.. and now what?

don't wanna really talk about my yesterday experience, but i am asking myslef and now what?
i'm scared as i can't realise how big is this moment. is THE moment i'm deciding the rest of my life. i'd like to go back in time, last year for example... it was a hard time last july.. but at least i had hope. hope that maybe x thing will happen. now i am only waiting for an email and meanwhile looking for another solution, as i am convinced that my life is not here. not even in europe. i'd like to be in two places, us and australia. donno why australia.. but i am sure that i'll do one of my vacations there, as i donno if i could spend my life in such a place.(because it is way too far away)..
oh well..i have to update my CV i guess..

cause i'm a rebel..i killed the devil

mornin

i just woke up. yes. it's half past 11. lazzzyyy!!!!
even though i said i'll give up on coffee, i postpone this thought until tuesday, when i'll be finished with my grad paper. i am terrified..the ppt is not ready yet and i'm not sure i'll use it, as i am afraid i'll forget to change the slides or i'll forget what i was supposed to say at x slide. oh well..why me on monday? the schedule of presentations looks exactly like it was made by kids in kidergarden. of course...here are the red cubessss... here are the green cubes.. don't mix them.. so all the students from my coordinators are scheduled on monday from 16 to 17. this will be fun. or not. oh well.. i hope i'll get a high grade, i am sure i won't receive a 10, but i pray for a 9. it would be ok as i am too tired and bored to study more or to prepare smth special for the presentation. i was thinking of showing them the ads from the campaigns but why the hell should i do this.... it takes a lot of time and, as nice as they are, they could ask me about rhetorics, nonverbal language or donno..so.. i have to avoid rhetorics, political history and semiotics. and all the other classes. my presentation should focus on interesting things from my paper, such as the americanization of the political communication field... the key moments from obama's campaign..smth about mccain.and then we can discuss about the communicational patterns borrowed from the americans by the stupid europeans.
i'd like to improvise my speech..really now.. i'm better at improvising something in 5 minutes then learning a speech by heart and trying to remember it as they are looking suspicious at you..

now i'm going to prepare my coffee (it's a whole ritual:P) and then back on reading about theories of political marketing.

wait for it

Candy talks to strangers
Thinks her life's in danger
No one gives a damn about her hair
It's lonely down on Track Street
She used to go by Jackie
The cops, they'll steal your dreams and they'll kill your prayers
Take a number where the blood just barely dried

Wait for something better
No one behind you
Watching your shadows
This feeling won't go

Crooked wheels keep turning
Children, are you learning
Acclimatize but don't you lose the plot
A history of blisters
Your brothers and your sisters
Somewhere in the pages we forgot

Take a number Jackie
Where the blood just barely dried
You know I'm on your side

Wait for something better
No one behind you
Watching your shadows
You gotta be stronger than the story
Don't let it blind you
Rivers of shadow
This feeling wont go

And the sky is full of dreams
But you don't know how to fly
I don't have a simple answer
But I know that I could answer
Something better

This feeling won't go

the killers- this is your life

because they always made me cry.

and here is the video. not from bucharest but from a show they had in january in US

it's been a while..

like a bird

(nelly furtado - like a bird)

i can see through you ...

hmm..not really

it's sunday morning. it's quiet. my neighbours are still sleeping or maybe they went out of town for the weekend because i can't hear their baby screaming haha:))
i'm drinking my coffee while reading about neorealism and other thingiez. i feel old. maybe it's because i am old[er]. oh well..
still checking my e-mail every minute, and paying attention to the sounds of my iphone. oh i just received an email..damn it's another newsletter..
tomorrow i will send HIM / THEM an email. i am scared of a possible answer.."we regret to inform you...".. and if this happens.. oh well..not only i'll be down, but i'll lose every dream, every thought, everything. And of course, as I have no backup plan... i will be master-less if this can be a word. On Thursday I have my oral presentation of my grad paper.. i won't call it an exam.cause it's not an actual exam, but it's more important than one. I am terrified.. :(...
it's weird to hear that.. oh i am going to uk for the master.. i am going to holland.. oh.i will study in france.. while you hope you can say.oh..i will go to US, isn't it cool? well it might be.....
trying to keep my possitive thoughts in chains, because they seem to like better places than my mind.. i guess that i'll find an answer soon..and because..hey..of course they will accept me [:P] we'll celebrate with honeydew melon with ice-cream! [friends know better:P]
now i'll go back to my study..


Larisa

on the verge of insanity

sad..almost depressed..even though after 3 crazy days with mom i should be happy..or at least content with my life.. but i'm not.. i realized i have no backup plan in case i'll be rejected ...i am still waiting..refreshing my email every 2 minutes..checking my iphone at every 3 steps and thinking that the letter is late..that stupid postman forgot to bring it..or S. forgot to send me THE email...
oh well...
fck..

sometimes it's better not to know i guess..at least you can keep on dreaming


nite nite,

Larisa

dreaming